birth reflections

My contractions at the end were one right on top of each other with hardly any relief. They had me lying down cause they were trying to put in an epidural and I was cooperating because I really wanted to be done with the pain,..but it was a lot worse lying down like that. I remember tunnel vision at the end. Just trying to survive through the pain. all I could see was the side of the hospital bed I was laying on vaguely aware of Dan holding my hand on my other side maybe. I was just waiting for the epidural so the pain would go away. I think if I was sitting up maybe or something I would have fared better. I also think that if Dan was close to my face maybe holding my head or hands on my face or something I would have had something else to focus on other than the pain. It's clear I was focusing on the side of the bed to make it through since that's all I remember. since he wasn't up in my face he was kind of in the peripheral and I don't remember it well. I think next time he needs to be a lot closer to me at that point so that I can see him and focus on him instead of the pain. He was the only thing helping me get through it before and I think just a little more presence and words would help.

I remember he was right there when they finally started to put the epidural in. That was good. that was how close he needed to be just a little sooner than that to get me through the pain especially if there wasn't an epidural coming. I'd almost forgotten that he was there right at that point. looking back I wish I'd realized it was the end and that it was almost time to push so that I could have tried it without the epidural but at the same time, who knows if I could have pushed her out so quickly if I didn't have one or been able to withstand the epesiotomy or forceps. I knew it was the end. All I wanted was relief. But if I had been just a little less tired or a little more with it I would have realized I didn't need an epidural anymore cause I was there.

I'm still confused why everyone said that my contractions weren't progressing and that they wanted to put me on pitocin at which point I decided on an epidural,..that's when everything rapidly came to a close. I wonder if by waking me up and talking to me about it my body woke back up and started going full speed on its own and the only reason it was slowing was because I was resting. Makes me think hmm,... somebody should have just woken me up and grabbed my attention sooner.

milkshake?

I think I've got oversupply. Wanted to document these web pages that helped.
More than you ever wanted to know about baby's poop. :)

http://www.llli.org/FAQ/oversupply.html

http://www.justmommies.com/articles/baby-poop.shtml

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/2/T022600.asp

teenagers,.. you give them an inch they swim all over you

Do you ever come across parents who are constantly complaining about their kids who are teenagers?

It makes me so sad to hear all about what a trial teenagers are and etc etc,.. I KNOW for a fact I was a trial teenager to my mother especially... and I can recall a few tantrums and scary instances involving my dad getting mad at me as well. I was stubborn, rude, moody, and disagreeable in general whenever things weren't going the way I wanted.

However, through it all, I never once heard my mom talk about how teenagers were the worst,.. or she couldn't wait until the teenage years were over. etc. etc. I would sometimes talk to her a little bit about one of my siblings going through some difficult teen years, but she never said it openly or publicly people in general or to anyone she wasn't simpliy confiding in at the time.

I'm really grateful for a mom with lots of patience who worked hard to be a good mom and even though we were tough teens (I think I had a couple extra years in there that weren't even supposed to be teen years but still were lol) She still stuck it through with us and never complained or made us feel not worth it or like a trial or a millstone around her neck or anything like that. Part of the reason I think some teens act out is because they hate how they're behaving in the first place which makes them even more grumpy and if your parents hate you on top of it,.. that would just be worse. So Thanks mom for being the bestest patient mom!

Perspective on Motherhood

I remember when I was young it seemed like life was long and mom had tons of time and was always busy being mom and doing things with us and spending time with us.

Since approaching motherhood my perspective on that has changed slightly. It occurs to me that to achieve 9 kids with the kind of spacing we have in our family my mother was perpetually pregnant. If she wasn't adjusting to the birth of a new baby she was probably either trying or already pregnant with the next one. It seems a little callused to think of a person as a baby factory, but it sure seems like that's how I would feel if it was me. I look at my friends and others that are pregnant on number two or however many and think, gosh they just barely started adjusting to the first one,.I wonder if they're tired or how they're managing to still be "mom" when there's so much change still going on for them.

I understand that 2nd, 3rd pregnancies etc go a little differently because you're completely distracted and involved in continuing to raise #1 so maybe that's all that's sufficient to make you feel less like a baby factory than it sounds like on paper. Also, a certain amount of experience probably goes a long way to get rid of some of the anxiety and adjustment necessary when getting ready for #1 to come for numbers 2 and 3 etc....

So all in all,.. I admire mothers who keep going and are working on number not 1,...it sounds like a big task to keep working on your family year after year until you've reached your family's perfect size and I look forward to when it's my only concern but for now I am just working on being able to handle adjustment to #1. I hope I'll be a good mommy like mine was and I hope I can get off the work wagon soon so I can keep going and don't end up with a large spread between #1 and #'s 2, 3,..etc. My baby doesn't want to be an only child.

Are you there?...are you there?

Ok that was a cheesy song quote but unless you've ever heard of the sewer whrats you probably have not heard it before. lol.

I'm just wondering if anyone follows this blog besides me and Karrae. If you like to read it please comment. If I find more people that actually keep track of it maybe I won't wait so long before my next post. let me know!

I like an audience so I've been neglecting it of late knowing in my heart of hearts that really only me and Karrae read it and we've been busy. So if you like me and want to hear more of these posts let Horton Hears a Who Inspire You!

food journal entry

Today:

1. peaches
2. toast
   
3. cream of wheat
4. cheese stick
   
5. pears
6. rice cakes
7. sunflower seeds
8. pretzels
9. beef sticks (2 small)
10. pop tarts (2 strawberry)
11. jr burger and fries (crown burger)
    
12. apple
13. celery
14. fruit rollup
15. dinner??

Yesterday:

1. vita shake
2. cream of wheat
3. cheese stick
   
4. rice cakes
5. sunflower seeds
6. pretzels
7. pears
8. chicken taco w/rice & salad (costa vida)
9. apple
10. fruit rollup
11. celery
12. lettuce
    
13. 3 chicken nuggets/ bbq sauce
14. snickers bar
15. almonds

Soooooo how am I doing? I'm supposed to be watching my diet cause I'm pregnant and I'm trying really really hard, but when I need a quick fix I get in panic mode and anything that will get rid of the nausea goes. Does it sound like I'm eating really unhealthily?

self-restraint

I need to stop reading ksl stories comments for stories that catch my attention. Those people just make me so mad sometimes at how far off both sides of the stick are.

sick of doctors?

hahaha,.. can you really be "sick" of a doctor,.. they cure that don't they?

anyway,.. I'm tired of the argument that just because a doctor thinks something is a crock or doesn't work means that it couldn't possibly have the benefits it claims to have.

I agree. Doctor's have come a long way and know a lot more about medicine and things then they used to.

However, I think that the medical field is not motivated to do research in some fields because it won't grow their revenue. Much as doctor's are philanthropists and do a lot of good, the medicine companies, and hospitals and such are businesses and are not motivated to research things that take away from that business at a cheaper cost or through a different venue. Colleges and schools by the same token get grants from these same companies to research fields that they see a profit in.

When you think about it that way,.. does it seem likely that every field of medicine or practice no matter how strange has been adequately researched? Do you also think that we live in a culture where we're brought up to believe that the doctor knows best because what doctor's do has been researched? My only point is,.. I don't think doctor's know everything and I think sometimes they think they do. The doctor is never going to prescribe an action to you that has not been researched or tested because of liabilities to himself and his practice,... Does that mean that whatever action it was you wanted to take is not going to work? No. It just means he doesn't know anything about it and therefore it hasn't been researched yet or he hasn't read up on it enough to know if it has.

So I plead,... please don't use the stupid argument that just because a doctor does not recommend an action or does not think something is valid is a good reason not to do it. Find out why they have that opinion and if it's founded in experience and research then by all means follow the counsel but don't automatically discount anything that is simply an unknown. I also agree that you shouldn't be so against doctor's that you're not willing to seek treatment from them,...but I just hate the prejudice against anything that is not mainstream medicine.

(this post was inspired by a recent ksl story on chiropractor's and their assistance in treating illness. Sounds ludicrous right? In the comments, someone made the argument that their doctor thought it was all rediculous or something to that affect and that it in no way treats illness. that may be,... but,....what a dumb argument,... the chiropractor's themselves will tell you that they can't promise to help cure anything only assist the body in relaxing so it can have more energy to heal. If people are seeing real treatment-like results from the care it could just be a placebo,.right?.. but if enough people are getting the care they need from placebo's isn't that better than getting it from a lot of medicine that is foreign to your system and can have other temporary or lasting side effects? Just wondering)

square cup phenomenon

I've never noticed until now that whenever a cup has a corner I drink out of that corner. It makes complete sense because if you tried drinking from one of the flat sides, your beverage would not funnel into your mouth properly and instead run all over your face.

The only reason I noticed is because I keep one of my favorite cups at work to drink out of on a regular basis. It's a plastic purple square tall cup like this one. I just noticed today that there is lip residue,.. lip marks on each of the 4 corners (a clear sign it's time for a washing) . I just never realized before that I don't drink out of anywhere but the corner. Amazing the things you learn/notice sometimes.

Some Keys to My Successes in Finances

I am not the most amazing person at personal finances and your world turns upside down when you get married and suddenly 2 of you are spending the same money. To be honest using an actually written out and recorded process in these keys was not necessary when i was single because it was possible to know exactly what I had spent in my head. However, the same principles apply whether you're single or married and will be helpful to you I think in your finances whether you do them in your head, on paper or in actually going to a cash system.

1. Make Goals, Have a purpose, Make a Plan
   

   managing money doesn't make sense to anyone unless there's purpose behind it and targets to reach. Until you understand what you're trying to accomplish, you won't be very successful at accomplishing it.

   • The first thing I had to do when managing finances was to decide What I wanted to accomplish.
   • You will evolve and grow as you mature in managing your own finances.
   • Also, if there is more than one of you sharing the same money it is important to be on the same page because yoked oxen can't pull a cart if one of them is lying down. You'll just end up going in circles and dragging the laying ox around which will only irritate it.
   • When I first started my only goal was to divide my income up into the different expenses I had so that I could know how much money I probably should be spending for my different expenses.
   • Now that I know more about how my finances work for me, I want to set more ambitious goals like long-term savings goals and other things of that nature instead of just don't overspend. I want to plan in advance for expenses I know I have coming up like tuition and car registration or savings for emergencies or unemployment circumstances.
     
   • Goals and plans can be as simple as a budget and as extensive as a 5 year long term financial position goal. Usually a budget is a key piece to this step and also the first place that many like myself start


2. Track your success

   Having goals with no way to track what you've accomplished or how you're measuring up means you don't know if you're accomplishing your goals or what you could do to become better. You can't improve if you don't know how you measure up.

   • Having a budget and goals helped me in many ways, but I discovered that I was still overspending and I had no idea where the extra money was getting spent.
   • I tried to follow my budget but without tracking what I actually spent, there was no way to know where I was failing so I couldn't take corrective action
   • A way that I have solved this problem and to measure my success is to create a monthly financial report.
   • It helps me to see each month the areas that I mess up in and to find things that I didn't put into the budget that I should.
   • I use a monthly report because the interval is perhaps a little bit too short in that it takes a bunch of time every month, but short enough that I can think back to the past 4 weeks and know exactly where I made those mistakes and have it fresh in my mind where I want to improve the next month. This works for me, but you have to find something that will work for you to measure your own success


3. Review & Adapt

   Having a good financial system for you and whoever else depends on you is never done. As long as there is money there will be goals to accomplish and things to track whether you're accomplishing your goals. When your circumstances change, your finances will shift to meet those changes. Change happens and so we have to be constantly evaluating our process and improving to meet our goals as those change as well.

   • One of the most important keys to my success is this concept that once I have a system that works for me, I can continue to improve on it and make adjustments.
   • I started out with just a mental budget which later became a more complex budget in a spreadsheet which later turned into a financial report that I use to track things.
   • As you learn what works and as you find ways to improve, whatever you're doing should be evaluated. If I get to the point where my financial report is taking more time than I'm getting value out of it then it's time to change tactics. Maybe I've got the budget and tracking down pat to where now I can focus on finding ways to save extra in unexpected places. Who knows. It all depends on what your current goals are and how you are working to improve.

Goodluck in your financial endeavors and may these keys help you on your road to success just as they've helped me. I am constantly learning from my mistakes and I've only discovered these along the way. Hopefully if you're at ground 0 like I was this will give you an easier head start.